Just about two years has passed since I was here last. That must be the period of time it takes for me to get my jumbled messy thoughts into a state of alphabetical fluency. The final entries in 2015 were an attempt to capture the events that had grace unfolding for us. The opening of our hearts eyes. Reading these 11 entries brings a rush of memories flooding my mind. The entries only touched on the many events and happenings that were taking place that Fall. There was so much more but the focus of those entries was to highlight grace and its unfolding.
Am I ready to write again? A question that remains. For now the jumbled thoughts I have in my head are coming together enough for me to get them out of my head and down here. Looking back, 2015 seems like ages ago, far away in the distant past. Even though its only been just a few years. My husband and I are aged. Feeling older then our physical years. For me it is more mentally then physically but for my husband it is both physically and mentally. So many changes and adjustments. Some we already knew, some are very new and foreign to us even still, after 2 years.
By the last surgery in 2015 and the events of that year, the toll that had been taken on us required more or less a rebuild for each us. Not relearning things about ourselves but a learning of our new selves. I did not realize this until much later in 2016. When I was trying to find my peace. Believe me I was looking pretty hard but just couldn't seem to get my finger on it. Little did I realize that the peace I was searching for was my old peace. After everything we had been through in that last year I was changed and a very different person. The peace I was searching for was my old peace and I wasn't peaceful there. I had to allow myself to get to know what my new peace was. 2015 had left both myself and my husband completely broken and undone. Used up. It was time to rebuild and put what pieces of our old selves were left into their new places as we rebuilt and aligned ourselves with who we had become. Getting to know our new selves. This is something we are still working on. Some days are really, really tough. Others are good. But each day that passes is healing and improvement. A step in the right direction. Each day is a blessing and many days have had us seeing rain. Rain in the form of Grace. Grace like rain.
