Sense From Chaos

Blank page. Fresh and white. Rectangle in shape. Clean. Orderly and empty. I have been here many times to place my thoughts and formulate things. Try to make order from a chaotic thought process. More or less numb and raw from having an onslaught of feelings and thoughts course through my being over the past few months. Last I was here I was trying to keep a Monster in Check. I'm not sure I ever truly succeeded with that, at least not 100% of the time. March 27. 3 days until the 31st. That day was only the beginning, the tip of the ice burg for change. A change that we have been through in many ways already but so different. So much bigger this time. An experience that has left all involved aged and ragged. As I recall the places these days took me emotionally I see a woman stronger then I thought I was-but because it was the only choice there was. I knew strength and faith would be the only things that I would find solid ground to anchor myself on but I did not realize the depth that I would need to go to pull from. Not because I couldn't find my strength but because strength from the depths is a stronger strength and this was the strength I needed. I know that as all of these thoughts and emotions that have been brought upon me are swirling around in my head at some point they will spill out in letters and words here on this blank, fresh, white, clean, orderly rectangle. Until then everything will jumble around in my head and my heart until it is ready to find its way out. ....and make some sense out of chaos.