Grace Unfolding - Part Three

     A season of change. Over the past three years I have changed tremendously. The way I think has changed, the way I process things, the ways I go about living day to day. We all have changed in this family. Two life changing sequences of events in a short 3 years has a way of doing that. There's more. Yes! Can you believe it? As if two numbing, all consuming, overwhelming, life changing surgeries weren't enough.
     End of summer and the crisp evening air that welcomes in the fall season. My favorite season. The colors, the smells, warm and cozy blankets and sweaters. Warming fires. Autumn. Autumn, along with the changing colors of the leaves brought in dreadful news for us. My husband agonized on that first true day of Autumn about how he was going to come home and tell me the news that he had. I knew as soon as he walked through the door that something was up. He told me we had an appointment with his surgeon at weeks end. I felt like I'd been physically punched in the stomach and had to get outside to breathe. Deep breaths of the crisp autumn air into my lungs, trying to hold on to some sort of rational thought. I shrank into a tiny coiled sitting position on the grass at the side of the house underneath the changing leaves of our oak tree. Not long after, my husband and son came to seek me out and we all came together in a family hug, crying together. Numb. Overwhelmed.
     My husband listens to sermons when he is going to sleep. That night in his long list of listened to sermons there was one in the middle not listened to. So he listened to it. It spoke of how, when in our most worst times it seems that Christ is distant and not there. But in fact these are the times when He is closest. Reminds me of the Footprints poem. That one set of footprints in the sand aren't yours but Christ's. He is carrying you. This was the beginning of unfolding grace. Only we didn't recognize it yet. We  moved throug the week making plans for the doctors appointment at the end of the week.

Grace Unfolding - Part Two

    Journey to grace. 2012 brought our family life saving surgery for my husband. An emergency surgery that unfolded within days and had us in a state of the art Institute with a team of doctors and nurses that saved his life. None of us had a chance to really think about anything before it all took place. It was a matter of digesting as we went. Never really being able to digest much of anything in the moment but more or less moving through what was placed before us. Numb, overwhelmed and consumed by everything that was taking place left me only one place to be and that was on my knees seeking shelter in prayer. Trying to find the comfort and reassurance I felt as a child. All the while trying to fortify my heart and mind against the knowledge of the truth, that things may not go the way I'd like. The only place I found the strength needed to keep moving forward was in prayer and faith.
     The surgery came and went and 2012 moved along into 2013 and then 2014 with lots of adjustments, learning and life changes but things were looking good for us. By the beginning of 2015 we had inklings that we may be up for the surgery again. But we had hopes that we were being over sensitive and a little paranoid. By the first signs of Spring it was confirmed. We would be repeating the surgery. Quick again. Except for 3 extra days this time before the surgery. These days were sheer hell. Too much time to think. But having done this once before we moved through the 3 days with as much poise as we could muster and bolstered each other and prayed a lot. This time, although the surgery was the same, everything was very different. Again life changing. Again on my knees finding shelter in prayer and strength in faith. Again fortifying my heart and mind. Again difficult but this time more consuming difficulties. Another surgery done. The days passed by and healing came slowly. Spring changed to summer .... still healing....seeking grace.

Grace Unfolding - Part One

     Grace. What is grace? No, not the grace that you say at the dinner table but true grace. Grace by definition is this: 1.) -the exercise of love, kindness or goodwill; disposition to love, benefit or serve another.  2.) -the divine favor toward man; the undeserved kindness or forgiveness of God; divine love or pardon.  3.) -Beauty, physical, intellectual or moral; easy elegance of manors; perfection of form.
     Grace is big. It holds so much in its definition but even more so when it becomes an action. The past month has given me a whole new perspective on grace and its true meaning in action. For myself, I strive to be a woman of grace. But it's more then that. It's not about being a woman of grace. It's about being a grace filled woman. No longer striving to be a woman of grace but allowing the grace of Christ to take root in me and allowing that grace to shine through. Living that grace daily, no matter what circumstances or challenges lay before me. This is what the events of the past month have shown me. How to recognize grace as it unfolds in front of you.
     Now the story of unfolding grace.
     Some history first. 2012 brought our family some life changing events. We met these events head on and moved through them making constant adjustments. By the end of 2014 things were looking good. The beginning of 2015 brought us signs that things might not be going our way and by the first signs of Spring 2015 we knew our family would be repeating the events we lived in 2012. Bringing us to the month of April and when my writings all but ceased. Until the past few weeks I have not felt any stirrings of thoughts able to be put into words. I've been quite messy in my head and heart until now. Unfolding Grace.............

Sense From Chaos

Blank page. Fresh and white. Rectangle in shape. Clean. Orderly and empty. I have been here many times to place my thoughts and formulate things. Try to make order from a chaotic thought process. More or less numb and raw from having an onslaught of feelings and thoughts course through my being over the past few months. Last I was here I was trying to keep a Monster in Check. I'm not sure I ever truly succeeded with that, at least not 100% of the time. March 27. 3 days until the 31st. That day was only the beginning, the tip of the ice burg for change. A change that we have been through in many ways already but so different. So much bigger this time. An experience that has left all involved aged and ragged. As I recall the places these days took me emotionally I see a woman stronger then I thought I was-but because it was the only choice there was. I knew strength and faith would be the only things that I would find solid ground to anchor myself on but I did not realize the depth that I would need to go to pull from. Not because I couldn't find my strength but because strength from the depths is a stronger strength and this was the strength I needed. I know that as all of these thoughts and emotions that have been brought upon me are swirling around in my head at some point they will spill out in letters and words here on this blank, fresh, white, clean, orderly rectangle. Until then everything will jumble around in my head and my heart until it is ready to find its way out. ....and make some sense out of chaos.

A Woman of Grace

     What does it mean to be a woman of grace? Have you ever contemplated this before? Who is this woman?  A grace filled woman exudes a positive light where ever she goes, treats others honorably, gives of her time and self generously from her wealthy heart - no strings attached because she stands firm in her spirit, is dependable and loyal. A grace filled woman does not seek to draw attention to herself but rather directs attention towards others in hopes of seeing them shine brightly. She has a
quiet strength from which she draws from. Strength gathered from life's past experiences that have refined her heart. Sustaining her with knowledge gained to gently encourage others and give her a solid foundation to stand upon.

There's Only One

   

What do you see?

     You are an individual. Sure maybe you follow the crowd maybe you don't. But either way there is only one you. No one else is like you. We are each individual. The question is are you brave enough to indulge in you? Courageous enough to let yourself know yourself deeply? To be able to learn about what makes you tick, what makes your heart sing....are you ready for you? Each and every one of us is so much our own special being. For instance, how we perceive a photo. Each of us will interpret that photo differently. How it makes us feel, the colors that we see and our interpretation of the photo. If we have been given the same photo to paint or draw, what we end up with will be very different from the other because each one of us is individually our self. No two of us are the same. Revel in your uniqueness, get to know your individuality and don't be scared to live it! Only you can pull off the things you do because it's all you. Be an individual. Think your thoughts, see things in the ways that only you can see them. Don't try to blend in or be like everyone else. Allow yourself the freedom to be you, to find yourself, to know your heart and to SHINE!

Wisdom Gained

   
     Our past experiences both good and bad create who we are. The events that take place in our lives from conception to the present are the paths we have traveled for who we are right now. Some say letting go and shutting up the past is how you move on, leave the past behind. But why would you leave behind the very things that have molded you into the person you are today? Now I'm not saying dwell in the past or allow those experiences to define us. But acknowledging those experiences for how they have changed your outlook on life. Our perspective. Maybe this is that elusive wisdom that our elders seem so privy to. They have lived, made mistakes and allowed themselves to learn from those mistakes, making them wise. They didn't walk away from their past but allowed themselves to learn lessons from their past experiences. So we listen to the voice of our past, we recall experiences that conjure up pain and joy and that becomes our perspective. Our wisdom gained. Our inner strength to draw from.

Uncovering Your Essence

     We all have that place that our soul feels free. Some already know where that place is others may not yet have found it. We start out with this knowledge as children but we don't realize what is then. Along the way as we grow up it gets lost in the busyness of becoming an adult. We must remember that familiar feeling and let it guide us to the place that allows our soul to be free. To be able to remember our essence. That imaginative, creative child that lived life through curiosity and saw magic in the world around them. Your essence is within you waiting to be found. Waiting to be uncovered and brought back to life. You may have already stumbled on your essence but don't realize it yet. It took me several years to finally put my finger on mine. All the while having this feeling that there was something waiting inside of me. When I finally had the "aha" moment it seemed so silly to me that it took so long to know something that I had within myself my whole life. Have the courage to know yourself, the courage to listen to your inner-voice and the faith to take the first step to freeing your soul and bringing your essence back to life.

Out of Your MInd

     Do you ever think too hard? To the point of making your head feel like it will explode with all of the thoughts you are thinking. More like the thoughts you are over thinking. That one thing you are thinking of starts out as a minor issue but by the time you are done thinking on it, its turned into one huge gnarled up knot of an issue. Or at least that's what you think. You've thought yourself into doubt, past handling the issue at hand with a confident thought. In fact you have thought so long and hard that you have thought yourself right out of seeing the goal and right into a bunch of obstacles stacked up by the doubt you brought on board a few thoughts ago. Quit! Just stop right there. No more evaluating the circumstance, no more thinking. Thinking about something until you over think it doesn't give you more control over it, it gives it control over you. Get out of your mind and leave things alone. Step away from your thoughts for awhile to allow yourself to see clearly again. Let the overwhelming deluge of doubt and insecurities - the OBSTACLES- that get a foot hold from over-thinking drain away, they will if you just give yourself half a chance by quieting that busy mind for a few moments and allow yourself to regain your sight on the original goal.  Have faith and believe that in you lies the passion that you need to continue with your pursuit. That by quieting your thoughts you are quieting your heart enough to allow faith to work!

Challenge

     Are we up for the challenge? Many times life it seems is one challenge after another. You make it through one challenge and then life hands you another one to slide right into the place of the challenge you just met. Your mind screams that you need a break! You think to yourself "I am not ready to take on this challenge!" Sometimes I for one feel like throwing myself on the ground and having a good old fashioned temper tantrum when life does this. I just don't feel up to yet another challenge. I am tired. Wrung out. Done. So now what? Life doesn't give us the choice of turning down the challenge. The only choice we have is how we meet that challenge and the next challenge and the challenge after that. Sometimes I square my shoulders and plant my feet so to speak and yet others I tackle by digging my heels in-or shall I say being stubborn and defiant to the challenge that lays before me. Every now and then it might be that I have to let out all of my strength in tear form and cry. Choose to meet your challenges. Remember that there is more then one way to meet those challenges and meeting them may take some strategy on your behalf because letting them get the best of you is not an option!

Wildflowers

     Have you ever noticed wildflowers before? Really noticed them. These are some of the most intricate beautiful flowers I have ever seen. Their details are absolutely amazing. The many colors and neat little folds and shape of the petals and their leaves. Have you noticed that they grow just about anywhere? Wide open meadows, rock crevices, up from under fallen trees and right along side the road. Sometimes you can find them popping up in the yard and flower beds and even in the veggie garden. These wildflowers grow where ever their seeds have landed. They have no qualms about soil or fertilizer or quantity of water. They grow strong and hearty where they are. Maybe we should take our cue from the wildflowers. We each have our own individual beauty and should let ourselves grow no matter what the circumstances are at the moment or time. Take hold of our circumstances and against all odds find a way to shine. There is no instruction or list to follow, only finding creative ways to grow in what life hands us.

Let's Fly

     2015. At the start of this first full week of the new year it is time to close the book on our old journies and start a new. Begin with a new thought process and new mind set. For me it's the beginning of new adventures. Jumping in with both feet into an adventure that has been on my heart for several years. Am I scared? Yes. But also excited to see where this will take me.  There is always those darned what if's looming out there but if I don't try I will never know and I need to know. This is my time, my window, my choice to take the chance. I have no clue how things will work out and will be flying by the seat of my pants but isn't that how life is? We never really know what life will give us. A bunch of choices and chances that we make or don't make all while flying by the seat of our pants. Giving it our best shot and reacting to the events that take place. Our choice on how we choose to react. One of my favorite quotes comes to mind by Erin Hanson .."What if I fall?..Oh but darling what if you fly?" I love this quote. You don't know if you will fall or fly until you try. So as we enter into this new year and look ahead into what might lay ahead of us, plan on flying. I do.

Relax

     Every now and then we need to relax. Let it all go. Allow ourselves quiet stillness in order to clear our mind and rest our soul. That is when things seem to work themselves out. Quieting our thoughts is when we can finally listen to our inner selves, when we feel our soul and hear His whisper. Take time to realize that there doesn't have to be a plan, that we need to breathe, let things go and trust! Simple and not always easy but something that is imperative for our well being and positive mindset. Realize that we are not in control and that life happens. Our best course of action is to adjust as we go. We must also know that we are enough and we have what it takes to move through the obstacles of life. Look at obstacles as opportunities and grow from all of our experiences. How we picture things playing out in our minds is most assuredly not how life will happen. It's an idea of how we would like to see things go but in the physical day to day, things change. Rather then fighting that change we need to embrace it and find a way to make it work for us. Let it happen and roll with it.

Strength Journals