A season of change. Over the past three years I have changed tremendously. The way I think has changed, the way I process things, the ways I go about living day to day. We all have changed in this family. Two life changing sequences of events in a short 3 years has a way of doing that. There's more. Yes! Can you believe it? As if two numbing, all consuming, overwhelming, life changing surgeries weren't enough.
End of summer and the crisp evening air that welcomes in the fall season. My favorite season. The colors, the smells, warm and cozy blankets and sweaters. Warming fires. Autumn. Autumn, along with the changing colors of the leaves brought in dreadful news for us. My husband agonized on that first true day of Autumn about how he was going to come home and tell me the news that he had. I knew as soon as he walked through the door that something was up. He told me we had an appointment with his surgeon at weeks end. I felt like I'd been physically punched in the stomach and had to get outside to breathe. Deep breaths of the crisp autumn air into my lungs, trying to hold on to some sort of rational thought. I shrank into a tiny coiled sitting position on the grass at the side of the house underneath the changing leaves of our oak tree. Not long after, my husband and son came to seek me out and we all came together in a family hug, crying together. Numb. Overwhelmed.
My husband listens to sermons when he is going to sleep. That night in his long list of listened to sermons there was one in the middle not listened to. So he listened to it. It spoke of how, when in our most worst times it seems that Christ is distant and not there. But in fact these are the times when He is closest. Reminds me of the Footprints poem. That one set of footprints in the sand aren't yours but Christ's. He is carrying you. This was the beginning of unfolding grace. Only we didn't recognize it yet. We moved throug the week making plans for the doctors appointment at the end of the week.
No comments:
Post a Comment