Sense From Chaos

Blank page. Fresh and white. Rectangle in shape. Clean. Orderly and empty. I have been here many times to place my thoughts and formulate things. Try to make order from a chaotic thought process. More or less numb and raw from having an onslaught of feelings and thoughts course through my being over the past few months. Last I was here I was trying to keep a Monster in Check. I'm not sure I ever truly succeeded with that, at least not 100% of the time. March 27. 3 days until the 31st. That day was only the beginning, the tip of the ice burg for change. A change that we have been through in many ways already but so different. So much bigger this time. An experience that has left all involved aged and ragged. As I recall the places these days took me emotionally I see a woman stronger then I thought I was-but because it was the only choice there was. I knew strength and faith would be the only things that I would find solid ground to anchor myself on but I did not realize the depth that I would need to go to pull from. Not because I couldn't find my strength but because strength from the depths is a stronger strength and this was the strength I needed. I know that as all of these thoughts and emotions that have been brought upon me are swirling around in my head at some point they will spill out in letters and words here on this blank, fresh, white, clean, orderly rectangle. Until then everything will jumble around in my head and my heart until it is ready to find its way out. ....and make some sense out of chaos.

Keeping The Monster In Check

Fear.
Doubt.
Anxiety.
     Some of the most powerful and masterful thought processes that can possess us. So powerful that they take on a life of their own becoming a dark, raging, scary beast. Consuming us. Paralyzing our very being. Yet none of these: fear, doubt or anxiety are based on any solid foundation. They are built on what if's and the unknown. Each one feeding off of the other. Leaving us in an unsettled state that we can't shake off. With what little logical thoughts we are able to grasp on to we must remember that all of these fears creating heavy doubt and nearly unmanageable anxiety are in fact what if's. We don't know that any of the fears or doubts will happen or even come close to materializing. While it is so hard to rid ourselves of the anxiety we can manage it. Focus on the here and now and what needs to be done right now. Focus on what we know to be fact. We all have fears and doubts. It's finding the balance of how to keep our fears and doubts in check so we can see clearly what is in front of us. If we allow ourselves to focus on what if's, we manifest a distorted reality inside of ourselves that is not what our true reality is. It is up to us on how we decide to feed the monster. Do we allow the monster to grow? Or do we keep him in check and gain the upper hand? I'm for the upper hand. This is not an easy task but a very necessary one. Finding and keeping our balance is an ongoing challenge that I don't think anyone ever really masters. But something that we must continue to work at making adjustments as we go.

Strength Journals

A Woman of Grace

     What does it mean to be a woman of grace? Have you ever contemplated this before? Who is this woman?  A grace filled woman exudes a positive light where ever she goes, treats others honorably, gives of her time and self generously from her wealthy heart - no strings attached because she stands firm in her spirit, is dependable and loyal. A grace filled woman does not seek to draw attention to herself but rather directs attention towards others in hopes of seeing them shine brightly. She has a
quiet strength from which she draws from. Strength gathered from life's past experiences that have refined her heart. Sustaining her with knowledge gained to gently encourage others and give her a solid foundation to stand upon.

There's Only One

   

What do you see?

     You are an individual. Sure maybe you follow the crowd maybe you don't. But either way there is only one you. No one else is like you. We are each individual. The question is are you brave enough to indulge in you? Courageous enough to let yourself know yourself deeply? To be able to learn about what makes you tick, what makes your heart sing....are you ready for you? Each and every one of us is so much our own special being. For instance, how we perceive a photo. Each of us will interpret that photo differently. How it makes us feel, the colors that we see and our interpretation of the photo. If we have been given the same photo to paint or draw, what we end up with will be very different from the other because each one of us is individually our self. No two of us are the same. Revel in your uniqueness, get to know your individuality and don't be scared to live it! Only you can pull off the things you do because it's all you. Be an individual. Think your thoughts, see things in the ways that only you can see them. Don't try to blend in or be like everyone else. Allow yourself the freedom to be you, to find yourself, to know your heart and to SHINE!

A Mess?

     How do you see your life? Maybe the question should read more like how do you look at your life? Are you scrutinizing your every step, noticing every wrong turn or bad choice instead of allowing yourself the view from a distance? Why are you being so hard on yourself? Give yourself some room to breathe, room to move. No one and no life is perfect. Life does not go the way we have it pictured in our heads. It does not stick to our plan. Life has a life of its own. It is unpredictable. So instead of looking at our lives and seeing how out of wack we think they are in accordance to that idea we have in our head of how things are supposed to be...(that is only a rough draft for how we would like to see things go) make room for spontaneity. Don't be so serious, relax. Things will work out how they are meant to. Life is something we have no control of. We have control over how we choose to view our life. Our scattered messy-ness is proof that we are living life. Our chaos is evidence of perfection at work-a perfect, crazy, mess that is life full of living. Take it as it comes, do the best you can, breathe, smile and most of all enjoy this messy beautiful life.

Wisdom Gained

   
     Our past experiences both good and bad create who we are. The events that take place in our lives from conception to the present are the paths we have traveled for who we are right now. Some say letting go and shutting up the past is how you move on, leave the past behind. But why would you leave behind the very things that have molded you into the person you are today? Now I'm not saying dwell in the past or allow those experiences to define us. But acknowledging those experiences for how they have changed your outlook on life. Our perspective. Maybe this is that elusive wisdom that our elders seem so privy to. They have lived, made mistakes and allowed themselves to learn from those mistakes, making them wise. They didn't walk away from their past but allowed themselves to learn lessons from their past experiences. So we listen to the voice of our past, we recall experiences that conjure up pain and joy and that becomes our perspective. Our wisdom gained. Our inner strength to draw from.

Try and Stop Me